he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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