i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize