Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize