im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
