The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
