I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
