What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
