it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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