the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
