I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize