Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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