you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
