Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize