dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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