So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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