Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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