hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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