It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
