i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
