And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
