I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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