he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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