So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
