What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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