PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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