my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
