True but thats because hes a fetus.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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