hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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