He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
