I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
