fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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