she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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