Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize