You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
one might say we're banned from that church
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
