I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize