nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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