he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
