batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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