Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
