U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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