Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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