you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
