I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You took a bar mat shot.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
