Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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