just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
someone owes me an orgasm
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
