I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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