Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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