im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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