I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
