Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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