What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
