There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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