you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
