all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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