i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
