I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
