I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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