I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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