NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
