WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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