Got a toothbrush?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
