overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
