Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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