I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
