you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize