Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
