Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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