i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
