dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
