I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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